The sound of the gun shot startled Polk, along with everybody else. He put his left arm across his midsection and felt blood, then he felt the pain. Polk had never been shot before but always thought it’d feel like a strange hollowness, as if a tiny tunnel would be created within the body. Instead it was an incredible burning sensation, there was no heat in the pain, but there was no other way to describe it.
The bullet blew through the right side of his gut, shredding a kidney. Though this might have been a kill shot, it would not be for a while, and allowed Polk to raise his pistol just high enough to shoot JQA in return. Polk’s gun sounded more like a small explosion and created a thin cloud of smoke around the barrel, revealing its age.
Snow showed up just in time to see the gun shots and while not surprised that the presidents actually shot each other, was astounded that Polk’s prop gun actually worked. Seph, meanwhile, remembered President Harrison’s functional pocket watch. Polk, despite never testing the gun, had no doubt it would work. He also had no doubt he had better aim than JQA and took his chances by willingly firing the second shot. And while JQA had better aim than Polk expected, it still wasn’t as good as Polk—who put the pellet bullet from his gun just left of JQA’s belly button.
JQA dropped his gun. He had seen men shot before, when he was a child he had even witnessed an entire battle. A lot of regrets went through his mind. He wished he had fought against slavery harder, he wished he had had sex in the outdoors more often. Standing there, bleeding, he prayed to God to let him go back home.
Fortunately, Seph, Snow, Mitch and, the also bleeding, President Polk had this same desire. Taking advantage of media’s confusion, Snow and Mitch pushed the wounded presidents back across the street and into the small news studio parking lot. Snow trailed a little behind, running in a zig-zag pattern desperately thanking the media for witnessing the performance and dodging the snakes only she could see.
Unconvinced, the reporters and cameramen and random people yelled and chased Snow and the others. Are they really shot? Will someone get arrested? Is this going to change history? Are they going to a hospital? Are they going back in time? Who are you? And who is that? Have you had sexual relations with either president? Seriously, have you?
-It was a prank! Snow cried out. A prank! Ha, ha! Laugh at the joke!
Seph opened up one of the back car doors, allowing Mitch to shove in Polk, then Seph shoved in JQA, cramming Mitch in the back seat between the two presidents. Snow got into the front-passenger’s side and Seph started the car.
-Mitch! Cried out Polk. I thought the carriage wasn’t supposed to work!
-Carriage?
-He means the car!
-Mitch, what did you do to Seph’s car?
-Don’t worry, he didn’t sabotage us right, apparently.
Seph turned around and put the car in reverse. The handful of reporters surrounding the car jumped out of the way at Seph backed out. Mitch ran out of time to explain.
-Well actually--
Seph put his foot down on the brake pedal but the car kept going in reverse until it bumped into another parked car. Polk and JQA cried out in discomfort. Seph and Snow swore in confusion. Mitch remained silent.
-You cut my brakes.
-We didn’t want you to try escaping.
-Well done, Mitch.
-Get us to a doctor.
-No, get them to Todd the Wizard. He can send them back and they’ll be fine.
-And how are we supposed to find a homeless man all the way across town?
-Quickly.
Snow pointed down the street, two police cars were heading straight for the parking lot.
-Cops!
-Oh shit.
-These presidents are going to die!
-Seph, so I have some ganga on me--
Seph threw the car in “drive” and pulled forward and out of the lot after scrapping another parked car. The people standing in the parking lot dodged out of the way again, screaming in a mad panic but capturing the flee on HD cameras. He ran over my foot! Did you get that? Yeah!
Inside the car, everyone, including Seph, questioned Seph’s sanity. Again, Seph found himself acting without explanation to others, so tried to explain himself while driving. He swerved past the cop cars, which then turned on their lights but didn’t turn 180 degrees before he was more than a few blocks ahead of them. Seph said the cops would ask too many questions before helping them all, if they helped at all. No, he knew, their best bet was just to get to the museum and find Todd the Wizard. He had several more points ready, but nobody wanted to hear them. Snow wondered if the sky looked purple because history was changing or if it was because of the ‘shrooms she took earlier.
-What’s ganga, asked JQA cringing and holding in as much of his blood as possible.
-Marijuana.
-I don’t understand.
-It’s illegal nowadays!
-Why?
-Because the government-
-Now’s not really the time Mitch!
Seph pulled out his cell phone but let it fly out of his hand to grab the steering wheel with both hands. In and out of lanes. Green light, yellow light, red light. Through the red light. Snow picked up the cell phone from her feet.
-Call Blair. No. Emmit. Call Emmit now.
Snow looked at the phone and told herself, out loud, to focus. Focus. Power through this drug trip. Drug trip? Now’s not the time, Seph. Focus. Phone. Contacts. Don? No. Emmit. Call. Emmit answered so Snow screamed at him to find Todd the Wizard somewhere in North Town. Seph, Snow and everybody else would be in there in—oh shit! Seph swerved left, then left again, against traffic, then back in the right lane.
-You’re driving faster than usual!
-No shit Mr. President! You assholes cut the brakes! We can’t stop!
-Car!
-This is your fault!
JQA with one hand over his gut wound, swung a punch at Polk, over Mitch.
-Agh!
Polk made an equally full-hearted attempt to swing at JQA. JQA kept his one free arm flinging over Mitch and Polk did likewise. All of the blows were closer to annoying slaps than actual punches, but most of them were landing on Mitch, caught in between the squabbling presidents. The presidents kept swearing and Mitch kept screaming at them to stop hitting each other, and especially stop hitting him. Snow was yelling through the phone at people she barely knew to find Todd the Wizard. Seph was screaming at fellow city motorists in a continuing tirade that blew any previous road rage record out of the water. Also the car radio was playing some song that was kind of loud.
-Stop hitting me!
-Car!
-What’s going on?!
-There’s blood on me!
-Oh shit!
-Some girl is screaming at me!
-There are a lot of people screaming!
-Car!
-Take the phone!
-Carriage!
Seph took back his cell phone. Snow put her hands on the dashboard in an attempt to brace herself in the event of a high-speed car crash. She began think about the museum neighborhood. How could they stop the car when they got close? In the madness and blurred consciousness she couldn’t think about anything other than her own helplessness. She fought against her own panic. Be focused. See a goal. A goal. If it weren’t for that damn wizard, none of this would be a problem. Find the wizard. Need control of the situation. Instead, her life, in several ways, was completely in the hands of strangers. Wait. Wasn’t there a giant pillow outside of the history museum? They could just drive into that pillow! Wait. Is there really a pillow there?
-Blair! We’re in a runaway car! I think the cops are chasing us! Are they? I can’t see them. Also-
-Car!
-Also, Blair, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I love you! And I don’t think it’s because we’re all going to die! I really love you! Oh shit!
Seph dropped the phone and swerved the car again.
-You missed the turn!
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